I said No!

I feel like I am a little kid being tagged along in a big zoo. Excited. Learning. Ecstatic. Wandering. Wondering.

I noticed the many variants of animals and the species of monkey vary in a lot of ways. I came to realize the inner beauty of the lion, the tiger, the panthers and have called them big cats eventually.

And with knowledge and wisdom came responsibility. I was asked to do things. Like take care of the earth we live in for them, and for us. Like campaign for their safety and prevent their extinction because of hunting. I did them joyfully. Successfully. (I think..) Correctly...and with excellence.

But just like any toddler. I began asking questions. I was curious. I wanted explanation. I came to 'question' why I allowed myself to become a sponge for a long time. And why I allowed myself to dwell in a lot of 'world' issues that is overwhelming.

And then finally, my 'hero' came. He taught me many lessons in life. I learned discipline. I learned priorities. I learned administration versus management. I learned to build bridges and connect gaps. I learned and learning became a habit.

And recently He smiled at me. And said the best that I did was when I agree to His challenge to learn. Thank goodness I didn't say 'no'.

Now I know why He is more than enough for all of us ^_^ And now I am ready to the a reliable custodian He wants me to be...because He is my trainer. We are partners in building, keeping and loving a 'home' called earth.

Me in December In the Rain

I am beginning to think my life is too slow for everybody else that surrounds me. Because I am seeing their lives as they unfold to reality from dreams. And settle in the present from plans that we were playing in our head.

But you know the usual 'me'... I know I am just in the right place. I am right on cue. I am where God wants me to be. I made suggestions to where I should be..But He guided me to complete His plan.

He had always wanted me to have more time with Him. And I can feel it all over me.

Now, I have more time for life.. I have more time for my family and friends..I have more time for myself. In short, He gave me the space and time to be able to deal with people and things that really matter to me the most.

And to that I am truly grateful.
Blessed.
- - - At peace with His loving embrace.

And the rain in December is all in the past. A memory that made me sadder but wiser.


September In The Rain Lyrics
by Frank Sinatra

The leaves of brown came tumbling down
Remember in September in the rain
The Sun went out just like a dying amber
That September in the rain

To every word of love I heard you whisper
The raindrops seemed to play our sweet refrain
Though spring is here to me it's still September
That September in the rain

To every word of love I heard you whisper
The raindrops seemed to play our sweet refrain
Though spring is here to me it is still September
That September in the rain

That September that brought the pain
That September in the rain

It's Raining Cats and Dogs

I was unwinding with a friend after we hustle and bustle with her wedding preparations in a wooden bench swing in Tiendesitas by watching these dogs. And we noticed that everytime the calesa passess by, they all stand up and bark at it. we laughed hysterically since we thought they were about to sleep in their glass cages, but evertime they hear the hoofs of the horse driving by, they all stand up in unison and make noise. It was pretty hilarious. I was entertained.

But looking at them in their cages. And staring at them more longer makes me more curious. I saw the stickes in their cages. I saw their breed, gender, and their birthdatess. It was disturbing that some of them are atleast 2 years old and are not yet adopted or bought from the pet shop (I think I am assuming that they'd be brought right away when they were younger and cuter..hehehe) Eventually I found myself annoyingly disturbed that I didn't realized that they are envious of the horse roaming around, while they're trapped in glass walls. Suddenly I felt a pang of pain and a rush of saddness. I felt ridiculous that I laughed at them.

And then I realized the store was being filled with people, I got excited that minutes later our hysteria and laugher we caught several groups and a family's attention. So I guess, we've done a good deed after all.

Just Woke-up after September

Wow. I actually did what I have imagined my life would be. And it feels so refreshing and magical at the same time; that it felt like I'm still day-dreaming.

I actually accomplished my delayed personal and work projects just before it hit the deadline. I run through my calendar; and looking at it makes me catch my breath. It wasn't flawless but the thing is they were succesful. Enough said.

I never realllly thought that I would have been able to do so much in a span of two months. But I just did.

And I did not just hit the marks. I outdo myself.

Do You Believe in Miracles?

I do.

I have not witnessed a papal-approved or any spiritually-related miracle face-to-face, but I believe that everyday in our lives we witness miracles. From the sparrows in the wild that don’t go hungry, to the rain that caused flood that have allowed our dams to have enough water supply throughout this year.

That’s how He is when you pray to Him. He give so much in return to our prayers. He does bless us recklessly. He answers our prayers in His time, and only provides what He thinks is best for us.

God takes credit for everything that is good that happens. Because He habitually intervenes in so many ways possible to those He love - - that includes you and me.

Why?

...not just between a wife and a husband but among family members and among friends as well.

It’s not lack of communication or trust or faith or because of pride. The 3 great As that completes a relationship (1) attention, (2) appreciation and most importantly (3) appearance… That’s how simple they are, but apparently Aga’s wife in the movie was not able to provide the first two - - but the mistress has been able to.

And the flick also shows that it's all up to you, and how you'd like to perceive yourself and your life.

For example, notice how Aga chose to become a hurting person because his father see him as a failure. Afterwards he finds control over his self-destruction that has lead him to be insecure most of his life.

How about Maricel? She made herself vulnerable to Aga’s needs of a domesticated wife. She saw her worth. She distance herself from her need of a reciprocating love by gaining support from family and friends. And she started the change when she pretended to feel apathy at first and then let go of her pains from her past relationships. And finally ‘really’ move on.

But the ‘revelation’ of Angelica who in her youth has craved the fulfillment of career, acceptance of friends while challenging her rights over conquering love. She may have seemed feeble, even compliant at first but her being free-spirited only awakened her wrath. And that same anger was to behold as the story unfolds in the movie.

..it's not five star for me but the triad was successful in their characters.

Chocolates!

Maswerte ako at marami akong pasalubong sa mga prends! Hahahaha!

Raining Fireworks

Loving
is a lot
like watching

a 20-minute
fireworks
display.

It starts with sparks.

Exciting.

Emotional.

Romantic.

Sweet.

even Memorable.

But it also
always ends
as dramatic
as it begins;

it fades slowly
into thin air...

& as much as
you wanted to keep
watching.
there's nothing
to make it stay..

in the end
all there is left is a starless night

& the fact that some good things
never seem to last.

My Aunt Julie

I remember her laughing loud at my silly jokes. I remember how she waits for my uncle during our family gatherings, and how they spoon-feed each other. *They are so sweet!* I remember her bringing me maja mais on my birthday and on every occasion I crave for her special maja(...for free! lolz!) I remember her bringing me gifts every time we see each other. The typical aunt who buys her niece something she'd like to wear for herself but wouldn't fit her anymore. I remember her happy. I remember her nice, and sweet.

So when I heard the news of death. I did not cry. (This is the second time I did not cry..I'll expound on that in another blog entry.) Because I do remember her smiling, giggling and laughing… Despite the many aches that her sickness bring her..She brought joy to any one she gets to touch.

Example? Me. Imagine cooking me maja and other sweets which she can't enjoy for herself...

My Aunt Julie died of pneumonia. It's not a deadly disease but because she was diabetic. And her blood pressure was high, her lungs collapse and her anti-bodies were just too weak - - her body gave in. I could not fathom how she tried to gasp for air during her last few seconds..It was too painful for me to even write it down.

I know she's alright. She has been relieved from her earthly body which has caused her so much pain.

And I know we'll be alright too.

Maybe not now, maybe hopefully soon.

You Call Me Weird When

I ‘ve been tagged by blackfanatik (http://blackfanatik.wordpress.com/2007/07/23/you-call-me-weird-when/) to in his words “reveal the weird things” you know about oneself ; originally from fivefeetflat. And accordingly the rules:

“The one who got tagged will tell 6 weird things about himself thru their blog which should also state the rule clearly. In the end, you need to tag people and list their names. Don’t forget to let them know they’ve been tagged! The original rule says 6 people to tag but I’ll spare only 3. So you must have that minimum number of people to inflict this curse.”
Here yah go.

6. I don’t put sugar on my milk or in my black coffee. Should I really explain this? Because I just like it that way *winks*

5. I know how to cook adobo (pork or chicken) in five ways. And my siblings tell me that they can tell how I feel at the time I cook it because they can taste it in the viand. They say it’s still edible and tasty but each one has a twist of its own. And the really weird thing about it is that I have been able to replicate that distinct taste every time I cook. So they think it’s not anything emotional or accidental…they really think I have 5 recipes hidden subconsciously. *lolz* But that the odd thing is..hehehe. I don’t.

4. A third of my wardrobe is black. And the second third of it is white. I think I’d never have enough of them. Call me extreme and black and white girl. And I must admit too, most of my gray shirts are gifts *I guess I never really see myself half empty or half full, but determined, decided and holistic!*

3. I thought that as I grow up I would love tulips (like my friends) or stay liking roses (like most girls) or would learn to like orchids (like my mom). But I realized recently, especially when I recall the garden of my grandmother back in the province..I fancy daisies. I realized how I've fallen in love with daisies as I recall them. *sigh* The catch? I don’t want to see them very often. I just want to see them once in a while. Weird, huh?!

2. All my possessions have names. These include inanimate objects like my stuff toys, my cellphone, my key chains and just about any of my favorite personal stuff. The catch is that I keep their names secret (most of the time) as if we are a part of the Pentagon, sometimes the CIAs and special agents working with M.I. or 24 or CSI or ABU of Criminal Minds...and recently with Dexter (the serial killer!). I guess this shows the Charlie's Angel or the 007 agent-whishful thinking in me!

Top most of my six:

1. Every morning, I smile at myself at the mirror. No one have seen me do this before ^_^ It’s a private ritual I do to keep up with the hustle, surprises and the happiness in life.

Your turn: Consi, Kakay and Owen!

An Ode to my Love

I have been listing a lot of little trips since 2004. And it’s my little way of trying to get rid of this restlessness.

Quite expensive delusion of moving on isn’t? Maybe.

I tried to pretend not to know the reason why, but I do.

You see, I wanted to see the world. Hoping that sometime and someday you’d see how I see them too. And we both can see the life that we lived and live in each other eyes.

Sigh. I guess that will happen, no more.

Recently, I have been dreaming of you. And I captured your face in a dream.

So I recall the times we were together; and this moment that we can never be.. I felt heartbroken and euphoric.

I know that at the time, we realized that we do not want to go on with this profound love; we have died.

A death, which is more tragic than life itself.

I hallucinated that we were breathing in each other arms. And yet we now have lived a million years…because we are ready to love again.

Probably not the same.
But most definitely will love still.

Each other?

Maybe...

No?

he said, she said... we agreed
not anymore..
and then silence and tears overwhelmed
you and me.

Sleepless in Singapore

This vacation was long overdue.

I was suppose to have joined my bestfriend last year with her friends from U.P. around July, but I was given a special task at work and was sent to Japan. Second time late last year I had a terrible cough and fever. And early this year..I was financially inadequate but just like any small trip I plan, everything happens according to God's time and not mine. And when everything was all set; I didn't have to worry about anything.

So don't burn your bridges..keep on building them. And make sure to maintain the great bridges that only true and real friends bring! I know this because I am so lucky to have them!

And like all of my little trips..all is great! Good food, nice place and great company! I was dead tired (not much rest and sleep)from the daytrips, with the late chitchats until dawn with Jaja (who was so kind enough to adopt me too..*hugs* thank you!). Then there were the foodtrips with some ex-officemates and both long-time and new friends..And so my wallet is also aching (lolz!) but what-duh-heck iI have so much fun!

But to top it all my questions were answered and all my prayers was provided according to His grace. *sigh*

I have another trip to look forward to..And I know this is one of the few that I will always cherish *winks*

I recently watched Y speak and their topic wassss about ex-es. Their episode was titled "Ex-cess Baggage". But I was only half-listening and half-watching; I was actually playing a mobile game "bubble"..hehehe.
Anyway, beyond the distractions, the profoundness of the sentimental and the "so-so-smart" debating... one line hit me. It goes (something like):

We get to know ourselves better when we are in a relationship. And most of the time we do not like what we found out about our ourselves. But even if we do not like ourselves, we have to admit that fact that it makes us a better person because eventually we wanted to like ourself better, too.

Aheemmm..*so true* lang ang ma-cocomment ko ^_^

You're God

one of the hardest things on earth to accept
is when the people you love do not understand you..
because when they don't..
you're doubtful that they love you enough
you're doubtful that they trust you enough
you're doubtful that they respect you enough
to make decisions for yourself
and on your own

by Vertical Horizon

I've got to be honest
I think you know
I'm covered in lies and that's okay
There's somewhere beyond this I know
But I hope I can find the words to say

Never again, no
No never again

Chorus
'Cause you're a God
And I am not
And I just thought
That you would know
You're a God
And I am not
And I just thought
I'd let you go

But I've been unable
To put you down
I'm still learning things I ought to know by now
It's under the table so
I need something more to show somehow

Never again no
No never again

You're a God
and I am not
and I just thought
that you would know
You're a God
and I am not
and I just thought
I'd let you go

I've got to be honest
I think you know
I'm covered in lies and that's okay
There's somewhere beyond this I know
I hope I can find the words to say
Never again no
No never again

You're a God
and I am not
and I just thought
That you would know
You're a God
and I am not
and I just thought
I'd let you go

Repeat
it's just so sad...

Salamat sa Transition

naisip kong ipanalangin
sa Iyo ang pagdaraan ko sa bagong buhay
na tatahakin ko.

..sa bawat pagbabago
may napapabuti
may napapasama

..sa bawat pagbabago
iniisip ko sana ay Ikaw ang may gawa
ndi ko mawaring pinabayaan Mo lang ito mangyari
sa akin.

sabi nga nila
winners make things happen
losers let things happen.

sa tingin ko
win-win situation ako basta ako ay ginabayan Mo.

ang time mabilis kapag may gusto kang marating
tulad ng "change" constant ito
sa paglipas
sa pagtakbo

kahapon lumalakbay ako sa buhay ng nakapikit
ngayon buong tapang akong humaharap sa daluyong
ng dagat
ng hapon
ng umaga
ng hangin

humahalik ako sa pag-asa ng pagbabago sa buhay ko
makakamtam ko ang tagumpay na batid Mo para sa akin
para magbigay ako ng buhay sa buhay...
at alam ko sa bawat hakbang at unos
ay nariyan ka
at ako ay
hawak ang kamay
Mo,
Panginoon.

Wedding Vows

Laman tyan din yan, pede na.
Gusto ko na magka-bf eh..ok na siya.
Mukha nman siyang okay…di ba?
Three different sentences..Three enganged people. What is common among them? Mediocrity.

Sabi nga ni Jacq “satisficing” sa blog nya ang tawag sa ganun.. in elaboration terms: acceptable to the taste since it’s the conveniently available and comfort zone as its finest. Whew..kakatawa pakinggan noh?
Hindi nakakatawa. Totoong tao ang involved.
At kasama ang mga feeling dito.
Sabi nga ng matatanda, hindi ito pagkain na pedeng iluwa kapag ayaw mu na..and all that *jazz*. Hindi joke ang pagpapakasal.

Nothing personal really.
I’m just scared to see people wallowing themselves to achieve what is *reachable*. Abot-kamay..pero sabi din nila..

Bat ka pa maghahanap..Andyan na yan.
Ok na.
Pede na.Or worse - - - nabuntis ko eh.Nagtataka lang ako kung pano ako haharap sa altar at ganun ang wedding vows mu.

Hindi ko cguro maatim.
Hindi ko kaya na sabihin ang mga ganun.

Gusto ko proud ako.
Gusto ko taas noo kung sasabihin na naghanap kaming dalawa sa *crowd*.
Gusto ko sabihin na pinag-trabahuan naming ang relasyon na ‘yun para makaharap kami ng buo ang loob sa Kanya.
Gusto ko masabi na “mahal ko ang tao na ‘to Lord”
…at hindi lang ako napilitan kasi wala na akong choice.

At ganyan ang mangyayari sa araw na yun. Ganyan.

Speak now or Forever be Silent

More than words can tell..
our body shows all there is in our head.
How did I know this?

wala na palang sasarap pa sa tamis
ng ngiti na magmumula sa taong nais mong makita...

enuf said.

giggles
chuckles
..more smirking

mahirap pala kapag
ika'y kinikilig na parang high-skulish
gusto mu hulihin ang mga butterflies sa tyan mu
pero khit anung pigil mu
..lalong nang-gi-gigil

..when he's not looking,
you stare
..when he looks back at you
you look away
- - -goodness!

sabi nila andrenaline rush daw tawag dun
kaya ka namumula
kaya ka pinagpapawisan..

i need not say more..
our body says it all.

P.S. This was written in an A&W tissue I found in one of the books long overdue from my college library..Hindi ko na binalik yung book, kze pinabayran na sa akin yung book *Lolz*

Emotional Vampire

I am sure you’ve met some of them in your life.

Definition

They will draw out the positive aura in you. leaving only the dark forces that makes you breathless, damp and weary. It will suck up your dreams..leaving no energy for you to regain it back.

How?

They have nothing good to say or do or influence in your life... They will string your emotions from you, thus leaving you lost in the sea or in pain or endlessly pulling you down or leaving you frozen. At times they will steal your dreams away from you.

Whatever they’ve made you feel, awareness is key to avoiding these type of people who just plainly ‘drain’ you to death for their own survival!

...in every aspect of life this is just so true.

Notice the bullies around? Hypocrites? Pressure cookers and toasters?

Suckkerrss??? kelan ba ma-uubos ang mga tulad nila?

Extreme Summer

I will always remember May 26, 2007 (Saturday) - - - For today I have conquered two of the top 5 greatest fears of man.. One is the fear of heights, my teammates and I had rapelling and the other is the fear of water..we had snorkling in Apo Island..
On our last day, we had a city tour...and I was lucky enough to meet "Chicken Inato" at Jo's...but I'd talk about that on another blog entry...

By the way..Apo Island is one of the top 10 best dive spots in the world! I won't be sharing pics of the coral sanctuary..so you'd be forced to visit Dumaguete and judge for yourself the paradise on earth we *experienced*

jUst aNother sOng

it's just another song, i told myself a thousand times (i keep repeating it in my head)..but i felt i am drifting away from my quest..i'm getting distracted from this goal that i etched in my mind, in my heart and in my soul.
i have this goal that..whichever or whatever they are..only i know each one of them.
but then again i can't keep myself from thinking
of you.
pfffttt...this is getting harder each day.
can i go wrong..i might lose a friend.

Say Okay (by Vanessa Anne Hudgens)

You are fine
You are sweet
But I'm still a bit naive with my heart
When you're close I don't breathe
I can't find the words to speak
I feel sparks
But I don't wanna be into you
If you are not looking for true love, oh oh
No I don't wanna start seeing you
If I can't be your only one
So tell me when it's not alright
When it's not ok
Will you try to make me feel better?
Will you say alright? (say alright)
Will you say ok? (Say ok)
Will you stick with me through whatever?
Or run away
(Say that it's gonna be alright. That it's gonna be ok)
Say Ok.
When you call I don't know if I should pick up the phone every time
I'm not like all my friends who keep calling up the boys, I'm so shy
But I don't wanna be into you
If you don't treat me the right way
See I can only start seeing you
If you can make my heart feel safe (feel safe)
When it's not alright
When it's not ok
Will you try to make me feel better?
Will you say alright? (say alright)
Will you say ok? (Say ok)
Will you stick with me through whatever?
Or run away
(Say that it's gonna be alright. That it's gonna be ok
Don't run away, don't run away)
Let me know if it's gonna be you
Boy, you've got some things to prove
Let me know that you'll keep me safe
I don't want you to run away so
Let me know that you'll call on time
Let me know that you won't be shy
Will you wipe my tears away
Will you hold me closer
When it's not alright
When it's not ok
Will you try to make me feel better
Will you say alright? (say alright)
Will you say ok? (Say ok)
Will you stick with me through whatever?
Or run away
(Say that it's gonna be alright. That it's gonna be ok)
Say OK
(Don't run away, don't run away)
(Say that it's gonna be alright. That it's gonna be ok, don't run away)
Will you say OK
(Say that it's gonna be alright. That it's gonna be ok)

Moving On

Sorry but it's time to move on. I've played my part at the stage. Directort. Scripwriter. Stage manager. Julalay, Alalay or driver..whatever..I'm done here.

From the bottom of my heart - - thank you...for those who've helped me realize my talents and my sense of achievement. For those who I've came to respect and trust because of their support and for helping out in any way possible...kudos to you! I've learned a lot while I've enjoyed and enhanced my organizing skills. It was a mutually beneficial stint.

Sayonara to extra curricular activities..goodbye to the thrill and excitement of these events..it's time to pass on the baton. Goodluck!

P.S. I will still be very supportive ^_^

iStorya ng Buhay

Our life is made up of the choices we make.

We can make it to become a fairytale or make it to become a telanovela.

Some things that occur may be unevitable

but its on how we deal with it that makes all the difference.

Beyond these changes and blows of the waves of life

there is one thing for sure...

a life that is built

on God and faith

will stand the test of time and adversity

and will only outlast life itself.

You're Not Here

How far will you go for love? How far will you try to find the answers to what the voices in your head is asking you..which also keeps you awake every single night?

Maybe it is not tangible or measureable by anything under the sun. Maybe it cannot be decrypted or maybe it is not what our senses can perceive or achieve. So, if its something indefinite, will it last long enough to stand the test of time? Will it last at all?

How far will you go to survive the loneliness of being alone? How far will you go to be with love?

Maybe there is no way out of sadness or way in to be with love.

Maybe it is not a matter of survival or missing someone or winning.

Maybe it is just being there for someone or somebody

or maybe being alive makes all the difference.

Maybe.

Seasons Change

I used to enjoy the luxury of rekindling the past.
Hoping that each day that passed me by will last a little more
by trying to live in the past.
But I realized too soon or maybe even too late
when I heard from someone that "yesterday ended last night.."
And that 'hit me'..not bottom hard hit
but it spank me back to reality
that when everything was said and done..that's it!
---No turning back.

So you know what..i'm just looking at my life like it's a staircase.
That everyday is a step. But I can make my own destiny.
And what I need to do is enjoy the journey.
Savouring each moment...
each minute and every second.

And then all of a sudden it changed again.

With a single glimpse that turned into every smile.
Each goodnight and a simple hello that you pass to each other.
And every twinkle in the eye when you hear his name..*sigh*
It's just that everything that I thought
I can quote past, present and future was gone.
*poof*

Now..everything is like the river..
continuous and progressing..
looping through the air... evaporating
Then goin back again through the clouds..condensing.
Until summer comes back again.
Let it rain.

Addict sa PBB (Season 2)

Hook na hook na naman ako sa PBB Season 2. Nagpapakababaw dahil kinikilig ako kay Saicy at Robert..Wendy at Bruce. Korni talaga ako minsan pero kadalasan nga jologs din. Mushy at cheesy..tulad ng khit sinong babae. Kaya eto feeling langit at cloud 9 ako..ikinakanta ang mga love-song nila na 'if we fall in love' at 'when she cries'..haaayyyy!

Ang malaking 'question mark'...Nakaka-relate ba ako sa mga storya nila? Abangan na lang naten ang kasagutan dyan sa susunod na kabanata.

In the mean time..eto muna ang LSS ko for this month ;-)

Just Like Heaven
by the Cure

"Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream" she said
"The one that makes me laugh" she said
And threw her arms around my neck
"Show me how you do it
And I promise you I promise that
I'll run away with you
I'll run away with you"

Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face and kissed her head
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make her glow
"Why are you so far away?" she said
"Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you
That I'm in love with you"

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You

Strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You're just like a dream

Daylight licked me into shape
I must have been asleep for days
And moving lips to breathe her name
I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved
And drowned her deep inside of me

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Just like heaven

P.S. Pero eto ang cgurado ko..ayoko maging 'mean'-time girl at lalong ayoko maging 'rebound' girfriend..End of story.

Thinking Aloud

Iniisip ko na pede kitang kantahan ng 'Isipin Mo' ni Jett Pangan.
Iniisip ko na pede tayong makalimot sabay sa nakaraan.
Iniisip ko na baket hindi na lang kita nakilala nuon pa.
Iniisip ko kung baket napansin na kita nuon pero pinalipas ko na lang.
Iniisip ko rin kung baket ngayon lang kita napansin.

Siguro ngayon ang tamang panahon.
Siguro may oras at lugar nga sa lahat ng bagay.
Siguro ngayon pa lang “nag-fall into place” ang buhay buhay nating dalawa
Siguro kailangan magkaroon tayo ng mga nakalipas para magkatagpo tayo ng landas.
Siguro dapat ikanta ko na lang muna ang “Panalangin”

Dahil ndi ko pa alam kung dapat ko na nga itong isipin
Dahil ndi ko pa rin alam kung baket hindi tayo parehas makalimot sa pait ng nakaraan
Dahil ndi ko pa rin alam kung handa na ako
Dahil ndi ko pa rin alam kung ano ang nararamdaman ko tungo sa iyo.
Dahil ndi ko pa rin alam talaga..nalilito ako.

Sana ito na ang tamang panahon na dapat kong pag-isipan ang mga ito.
Sana makalimot na tayo sa nakaraan at makagalaw na tayo sa nakalipas.
Sana ndi na ako malito (kung totoo man itong nararamdaman ko.)
Sana ikaw na lang..
ikaw na mag-isip ng mga ‘to.
Sana…ikaw na.

Life's a Beach!

i've been frequently asked why i love the beach so much..let me list 10 of my so many reasons:

1. away from technology....although may mga internet cafe na rin at mobile sites ang ibang commercialized at sikat na mga beach sa Pinas.
2. feeling ko ang lapit ko sa sun! At pede ako kumanta ng "i'm walking on sunshine..wohhhhh!"
3. i love fish & seafood..need i say more?
4. fresh air...haaayyyy...priceless ang new & refreshing environment!
5. ang ganda ng view! Sunset at sunrise man..waves touching the sand... Breathtaking!
6. masarap magbabad sa dagat!
7. sand castles!
8. Extreme water sports..para-sailing, kayaking, banana boat riding
9. close ka sa nature...island hopping, snorkling, diving, fishing..marami pang iba!
10. bum ka na nasa paraiso! *winks*

……….san kaya next stop?

May Kulang

Mas-masaya sana ang weekend kung ikaw ay kasama ko rin....*sniff*
Haaayyy...anu nga ba ang nangyari sa 'holy' weekend ko?

Holy Friday ng umaga, galing sa puyat dahil iki-nombo ko ang 'Bisita Iglesia' at movie-marathon over chips & popcorn. Sa hapon nag-syesta ako para maka-recharge sa pagpasok sa opisina sa gabi..

At yun nga sa Good Friday night? Work. Work. Work.

Sabado de Gloria..umuwi sa bahay at nag-semi-hibernate dahil biglaan ang desisyon na mag-summer outing na agad kamni kinabukasan with my family and some relatives ;-)

Easter Sunday ng madaling araw..Anu ang hiwaga ng araw na ito? Simple lang, may “for-mom errands” ka ba? Ako hindi nawawalan. At kasama dito ang pagsundo sa mga anak ng bestfriend ng nanay ko..Asa pa ako na makatanggi di ba?

Escape ako from reality..power nap ng 2 oras.

Larga na agad papuntang Laguna..kelangan maunahan ko ang mga pinsan ko na galling Cavite para sa convoy papuntang resort.

Nakaka-miss ang pakiramdam na nakababad ka lang sa hotsprings at nakatingin sa stars. Pero mas nakakamiss ang makipagkulitan sa mga kapatid ko at mga pinsan..walang kapantan ay pakiramdam na kasama mu mga mahal mo sa buhay. Truly, priceless! *winks*

Lunes ng umaga..eto na ang kakaiba - - - pauwi na kami ng Maynila..dama mo na eto ay Maynila. Baket? Sa pag-exit ng C5 tollgate nagkamali ako ng lane, napunta ako sa E-pass gate. Good for me at wala pang mga law na ganun. Sa kabilang banda, bat nga ba walang law sa ganun? At pagkalabas ko ng Kalayaan at Edsa papunta na akong Roxas eto ulit ako. Nagagalaiti na ang nanay ko at nasa inner lane ako. Tama siya, ilang minuto lang may kumakaway na sa akin mga opisyales. Huli ako pero wala pa rin tiket. Baket? Simple lang may mga ‘kamag-anak’ kami sa puwesto kahit papaano at lusot na naman ako. *Hinga* Pero sa kabilang-banda ulit dapat ba akong magsaya. Ngayong alam ko na ndi pa rin nawawala ang red-tape sa sistema?

Buti na lang at huli na iyon. Isa lang talaga ang tama ng utak ko. Ang maikwento ang lahat ng ito sa iyo.

Nangangarap na sana..
sana ikaw din ay kasama ko.

Kung baga sa frapp, ikaw ang whipped cream..sa pancakes, ikaw ung syrup..sa halo-halo, ikaw ang ice cream. In other words, pede naman maging frap na walang whipped cream, pede naman ang pancake na walang syrup at pede naman ang halo-halo na walang ice cream...

Pero mas okay kung meron...mas okay kung kasama ka.
...sanayan lang siguro.

P.S. Alam ko naman kung makakapili ka lang sa trabaho dito sa pinas at kung may pagkakataon ka, gusto mo rin na makasama kami.

ka-M.U.

Heto ako at nakarinig na naman ako ng linyang "M.U. lang,
hindi pa kame."

Pero hindi na ako katulad ng dati na ngingiti, kikiligin at manunukso. Bakit ako nagkaganito? Bitter? Sour-guyabano? Nagmamaganda? Actually, I learned the hard way...Eto ako natuto at naging practical. Nalaman ang mga bagay na akala ko ay hindi pala totoo..at mga bagay na totoo pala.

Nakatalikod ako sa nakaraan, nakangiting nakaharap sa bukas..dala ang aral ng mga nakalipas. At simple na lang ang nagiging sagot sa ganitong sitwasyon..'He's NOT that into you! Kung hanggang m.u. lang kayo.'

Sabay salag sa hampas ng mga salitang isasagot sa akin ng taong guilty. O kaya nman sabay salo sa mga luha ng isang kaibigang nakalaya sa pagkakakulong sa isang palaisipang pilit ikinukubli sa mga hiram na sandali at limos na pagtingin.

Anu na nga ba ang M.U.?
Mutual understanding..you know
mutual desires, mutual benefits, walang expectations..common ground daw..Ganun lang.
Ganun.

In other words nagkakaintindihan kayo ng walang formalities...At sino nman nagsabi nito? Hulaan ko. Si Miriam-Webster? o si Thesaurus?
Ahhh..ang nagsabi nito..ay silang mga nilalang na optimistic (na sa opinion ko ay masochist din) Pero sa katulad ko na pessimistic....
ang M.U. ay Mean-time Understanding.
In short, pampalipas oras, panandaliang-aliw....pan-samantala (habang wala pang iba)!

Nakakalungkot ba itong marinig? Ganun talaga..truth hurts but at the same time, only the truth will set you free.

Kaya sa susunod na may mag-offer sa iyo ng ganitong relasyon..
(kung matatawag mu man ito na relasyon! Hehehe.)
mag-isip mabuti and "Know your worth, your value."

Sa huli kasi..talo ka dito eh. Kasi nakikipaglaro ka ba dapat sa feelings? Gusto mu ba ng joke parati o kaya ng laro..ayaw mu bang seryosohin ka ng ka-relasyon? At bigyan ka ng tunay at walang kupas na pagpapahalaga?

Sa m.u. gray lang ang kulay..walang puti o pula..lahat gitna. Sa T.L. or true-pag-ibig: 'give and take' kayo at take note - - parehas na panalo! ;-)

Last message ko sa mga practicing M.U.....eto galing sa movie:
"Sometimes its good to be brave, but it's better to be wise. "
- says the dragon to Knight Eragon

LSS: Alin dito Jane?

"Nang-iinis nga cguro lang talaga ang tadhana..bakit kelangan ko bang mamili pati ng kanta na magiging LSS ko for the month..anak ng! Hindi na cguro..dalawa na lang cla 'pang-gulo' sa utak ko tutal 'un naman ang silbi ng 'LSS', di ba? ;-) "

Ang sagot ko, "Ewan ko sa 'yo..Buhay mu yan eh!" Sabay balik sa libro na hawak ko.

"Nakikinig ka ba?"
"Oo..wag kang makulit.."
"Anu nga ulit sinabi ko? Sabagay..hmmm..aasa pa ba ako?!?"


Sundo
by Imago

Kay tagal kong sinusuyod ang buong mundo
Para hanapin,
para hanapin ka
Nilibot ang distrito ng iyong lumbay
Pupulutin, pupulutin ka

Sinusundo kita,
Sinusundo...

Asahan mong mula ngayon
pag-ibig ko’y sayo
Asahan mong mula ngayon
pag-ibig ko’y sayo

Sa akin mo isabit ang pangarap mo
Di kukulangin ang ibibigay
Isuko ang kaba tuluyan kang bumitaw
Ika’y manalig Manalig ka..
Sinusundo kita
Sinusundo...

Asahan mong mula ngayon
pag-ibig ko’y sayo
Asahan mong mula ngayon
pag-ibig ko’y sayo

Handa na sa liwanag mo
Sinuyod ang buong mundo
Maghihintay sayo’ng sundo
============================

Tensionado
by Soapdish

Tensionado
Nagulat din ako
Nong malaman na hindi lang pala ako
Yung nanghinayang
Nong nagaway tayo noon
At natuluyan sa iyakan at tampo
At sandali lang
Huwag ka munang magsalita
Di ko hahayaan lahat ito ay mawala
Ang iniisip ko kung pwede pa ba tayo
At miserable
Paulit-ulit lang ang nangyayari
Paikot-ikot tayo parang bote
At nasanay ka na ba doon
At nalimutan ang aking mga tanong
At hindi malinaw
Pwede bang wag kang sumigaw
Di ko hahayaan lahat ito ay maligaw
Nagtatanong sayo kung pwede pa ba tayo
At sandali lang
Huwag ka munang magsalita
Di ko hahayaan lahat ito ay mawala
Nagtatanong sayo kung pwede pa ba tayo

"Nga pala..Hindi sa akin ito..para sa isang kaibigan..isang makulit na kaibigan na konti na lang babatukan ko na..Ay nde, nasapak ko na pala..ayaw magising sa mundong ibabaw eh..nakalutang pa rin sa kawalan..hindi alam kung saan galing, hindi rin tuloy alam saan papunta! ;-) Kaya sabi ko...ikanta mu na lang muna..habang nililinaw mu ang utak mo na as 'clear as the mud'...Hehehe."

Pero pinaalalahanan ko na rin na... 'kelangan mu nang kumapit sa liwanag..
tanawin ang araw..
hindi titigil ang oras para antayin ka..
iikot pa rin ang mundo..iinog pa rin ang buhay. Mag-umpisa ka na.

Exit Macau

my favorite mistake?

it happened. so, i told myself that 'people make mistakes’. it just did. and i can't go back.

because i don't want to go back to what's used to be. i want to move forward.

and even if i was given the chance or was given the choice, i will still do things the same way all over again.

because sometimes we spend so much time planning..to avoid risks or to get results.
but what really matters in life, now that i realize it..is the now. And 'what' the right now is 'what' has made me to be me.

since life is a journey, we prepare ourselves for both the expected, specially the unexpected. the things that we do not plan for and the things that we do not see coming are those we should be more aware of...expect the unexpected as they often say.

they are inevitable..but 'that' only makes us stronger.

so, if along the way i made a mistake, i will not try to change it for the sake of being perfect.
because everything changes all the time. and we are changed by the people we meet. who we are..are not always what we used to be. we change, even if we plan..we change even our plans.

the thing about plans, is that it doesn’t have the perspective to be accountable. we need to know how to improvise. we need to know how to move forward. we need to struggle to survive, because that's what make life worth living.

why do i say these? am i being self-righteous? or boastful? or selfish?

maybe i am all of the above. or maybe i've been living in my head for so long that i have
forgotten to hold on to my emotions. Or maybe my feelings are unreal, because they don't seem to belong to me anymore.

I don't think I can trust anyone again. I will try, I know I will. But at the moment
I'd like to live more than what I can hold under my breath. So let me think.
Let me dwell in my thoughts. Let me plan.

But yes I am admitting to my own mistake or mistakes..but then again it doesnt mean I can manage already my future.

Yet my awareness to its existence will help me be able to prepare for it..hopefully, permanently.

but i am afraid, even by my own mind and my own emotions. i am scared that i am dealing with my own self.

...the gist of this article? "let us not worry of messing up, because it is not what makes up a person..
remember that a skillful sailor is not trained by a calm sea but by the storms and the wrath of waves he conquered."

P.S. I don’t hate Macau..I love the place. It’s my new hiding place, my own personal cave..because my aunt (my refuge..next to my mom) now lives there and has moved from Baguio City since last year..And she alone knows what ‘mistake’ I am trying to rub off from my skin, my mind, my heart and my soul that year. *I miss her already*

Balik tanaw sa pagka-bata ang ginawa ko nung Sunday...Ipinasyal ko ang nanay ko bago siya ma-confine sa hospital ng Lunes. Siyempre bitbit nya ang mga kapatid ko at mga pinsan. Dahil birthday ni dad sa Friday, nilibre din niya kami ng lunch..at sagot ko naman ang entertainment...as usual.

Hindi na tulad ng dati ang epekto ng paglalaro sa arcade. Mas-enjoy na ako manuod at mag-take ng piktyurs sa kanila.

Pero ang kakaiba dito..regalo lang din ang mga tiket ng 'TimeZone' na ito. Masarap sa pakiramdam ang makapamahagi sa mga mahal ko sa buhay ang mga biyaya na natatamasa ko ;-)

*salamat nga pala kay Nix sa libreng tiketz!* Wuhoo!

Letting Go of Love

I read it..gosh out loud in my head. And I can't get a grab of myself to actually finish the article.
But here I am..proud to say that I just did..

So allow me to share with you...

http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/172

an article by Dr. Phil on 'letting go of holding on'.

8 years ago

1999, they were little kids ages 5 and 7 . And the youngest was just about to be born..before they left for Seattle. But now thay are bigger than me and far better basketball players than me (as for my nephews of course). *Lolz*

Gosh, I feel so young and old all at the same time, while talking and listening to my niece and nephews. I used to just bring them at Jollibee and StarCity (I was just in my OJT that year, yah know... Hehehe.) Now, they want to drag me around the malls of Metro Manila. I can't wait to hear their stories went they get back. Hopefully we can reminsce our adventures when they were still little kids. But the story-telling have to wait until they get back from the province. They're very very very excited to hit the beach at Pagudpud, Ilocos Norte.

It's nice seeing family again..knowing they're here to divide your sorrow.

Arvin, Ayan and Angela..Thanks for visiting Mom!..I mean your lola! hehehe

*Sniff...I miss you guys already*

Birds of the Same Feather

They say you should surround yourself with people you'd like to be 'like'. What do I want to be? here' a new list you'd be waiting for, from time to time..

Hhmm...I wanna be like..



One..I wanna be great at what I do. It's like the cream of the crop or like the cherry on a mud slide vanilla ice cream. You know, someone that is recognized as trustworthy and diligent at work.


So? I say congrats to the hardworking 'Sugar'! You deserve the recognition of being an 'Outstanding Achiever' in all of global TrendMicro! Enjoy Disneyland ;-) and the perks that comes a long with it! Wuhoo!


And another..I wanna be happy & helpful..
*although he's not smiling here..hehehe*


But yaha! At long last....after 4 long-exhausting years..I have a new phone ;-) Courtesy of the tekkie & personal input of Bes Gary!


He drayb all the way to help me make-up my mind..on which cp to pick and buy! And not only that I have a phone that reflects who I am...*snicke- snicker* as I've mentioned I got a friend who's always ready to be 'harassed', I mean to 'lend a helping hand' when I needed his outmost assistance and sincere opinion!


Kudos to you guys..I'm glad to be your friend..I hope osmosis works! *Lolz*

Enganged and Counting..

There are 6 couples who got engaged recently. Do the math, 9 of them are my friends . So 2 couples will be marrying this year. And next year, I'll be celebrating four more weddings with my colleagues. Whew!

Visualize this celebration of love and fidelity...marriage of families..But *dang!* it's also hard work for the couples.. and the couples parents and relatives...friends, peers and loved ones.

But then again, it's a lifetime commitment..so what gives if we over-prepare with that tight budget or over-decorate or in better terms 'strive for perfection' in binding two hearts? *Winx*

And yes, there are these little pleasures called 'perks of having tons of generous friends! Why?? Because I was able to attend food-tasting with one of the grooms *Looking really serious while browsing the caterer's catalogue*! Wuhoo!

...Life couldn't be so much better than celebrating 'love' with family and friends,

don't you think so?

My 1st Baby Shower

Life is simple. And the best things in life are free. It's also full of surprises and blessings.

So what could be any better than growing life itself inside of you, right? - - -No! I am not pregnant! My P.I.C. is! She'll be a mom by next month! And she's throwing a purple-party for that little angel who eagerly awaits to come out to the world!

*Sigh* I can't help but smile with the wonder of how God ever thought of such "miracle"!

Yesterday Gravity..Now, U Hve 2 Know

Song Title: Just So You Know

I shouldn't love you

but I want you

I just can't turn away

I shouldn't see you but I can't move

I can't look away

And I don't know how to be fine

when I'm not

'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

[Chorus:]

Just so you know

This feeling's taking control of me

And I can't help it I won't sit around,

I can't let him win now

Thought you should know

I've tried my best to let go of you

But I don't want to I just gotta say it all

Before I go

Just so you know

It's getting hard to be around you

There's so much I can't say

Do you want me to hide the feelings

And look the other way

And I don't know how to be fine

when I'm not

'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

[Chorus]

This emptiness is killing me

And I'm wondering why

I've waited so long

Looking back I realize

It was always there just never spoken

I'm waiting here...been waiting here

[Chorus]

Oh-range!

You can't be real. You just can't be.

I already knew from the start that I am willing to take my chances...

I looked at you. I hide through my sunglasses. I should not be doing this to you. But I just can't help myself from staring. It feels like home to be gazing in your eyes. I feel so safe and serene with the warmth of your embrace. And your voice keep ringing in my head even when I am asleep. These mere thoughts of being with you...

..What a dream! I though I was with *you* for a minute or two there...{{sigh}} Thank goodness! I lost my grip in the last orange! I'm now awake...

But then again I have an important thing to do..I have to buy another round of oranges.

"For anything that is worth having, one has to pay the price." - John Burroughs

Salt and Candles

It's the time of the year when we commemorate our graduation days. And at these time too we try to rush and hush the last days we have for the year that was in school. We try to remember our truimphs and the glory, and we try to forget and get up from our failures.

We excite ourselves of the new chapter that awaits us. We can't wait of the new oppurtunities and the new experiences that we will teach and mold us in the likeness of our God. At the same time we are afraid of the unknown future and we nee to admit that it scares the hell of us.

Because often times at the last day, we assess the year that was, if we become a failure or if we become an achievement. But at the end of it all we always want to make a difference, we want to change the world to be a better place to live in. But what if our graduation days are over? Or we do not have the luxury of time? And we know that graduation days are not always everyday? Should we always wait for the 'end day' to do some good or god-like? Should we always wait for chances to come by for us to make a move?

What if we can make a difference now?...Something like to 'be a salt of the earth and bring light to world?"

Here's your chance:

http://www.lightamillioncandles.com/

And light a candle for the innocent victims of online child abuse.

Officially Miss-ing You

I knew what I wanted to be in my checklist..It’s almost complete…Does this list have anything to do with me? I bet-cha it does!

1. Has a great Faith...therefore will not hesitate to speak God’s word and will serve his people without expecting anything in return..
2. Strong-will-ed..may conviction at may sariling prinsipyo..(parang politician ah!)
3. Honest and can tactfully speak his mind. Good Listener. Good communicator…doesn’t have to be the ‘Best’
4. Will not get bored with silence…and grows even more in absence.
5. Comments and Suggests..not just reacts.
6. Believes that life is indeed beautiful, so there's ‘passion’ in everything he does in life.
7. Loves surprises, nature..especially the beach, starless night sky, chocolates and fireworks! ;-)
8. Either athletic or artistic or musically inclined…adventurous or sports-minded..
9. Honest, trustworthy..may word of honor at plus na ang chivalrous ^_^
10. Pula. Red, blazing at firy red..4x4
11. Magalang…and knows how to deal people and professionally works with subordinates, without making them feel ‘inferior’
12. Family-oriented..need I say more?
13. Maasahan na kaibigan..yung kikilalanin ka, irerespeto ang opinion mo..masarap kakwentuhan - - abutin man kayo ng bukang liwayway dahil kakulitan at *wala lang na daldalan*
14. Proud to be Pinoy!..responsable Juan Dela Cruz in his own right.
15. What’s common with Richard Gere from Pretty Woman and the leading man from the movie ‘Cake’? **make a wild guess**
16. Loves Me…..therefore will find TIME for ‘us’!

*Sigh* I know have my top 16..now to find the missing links...
I wonder ‘what’ those are....**winks**

===================================================
*update as of 15 July 2008 i actually found him
or should i say we found each other...
(tinago ko ung 2 at inedit kaya 14 lang published)
hahaha*

Last Summer

Silence can be an answer. Period.

Because whenever, whatever and however my ‘love-ones’ try to start a conversation with a questionable smile or a mischievous grin or a sarcastic remark or a pat in the back or a warm hug… during those days, they will all ask the same question, “Why do I go in a relationship when I know from the start that it will only cause me pain?”

When he was gone…**Poof** Everyday was night-on-a-winter…and all the beautiful melody and the rainbow in the blue sky was ‘alien’ to me. His inexistence in my life felt like there’s a broken mirror inside me. I was aching all over while my heart was bleeding…and my river of tears doesn’t seem to wash away the pain.

During those days, nothing else mattered…I tried to lose my hearing, shut down my sense of thinking, put on my selective amnesia button and figuratively close my eyes from the world.

So what? Did I not make it clear? Or clear-er? At that time, I don’t want to be rushed…
I know that I am capable of…letting go, when it’s time to let go. And I will let go because I don’t need to win every battle in my life to prove myself.

I did admit it; a lot of times…I made myself vulnerable to a person. I opened my heart and let him in. And that feeling changed me every single day. And it was amazing.... It was like a miracle taking place.

I fought hard not to fall in love again. And because of that ‘thought’ I was not brave enough to say that I do...I did fell in love with ‘you’.

P.S. You are ‘the one’ but I can’t be with you.

Only ‘we’ can understand what has happened between us.

And so, this is my way of saying…It was all real, believe it happened and accept the fact that we need to forget about the warmth and the enthusiasm of summer. And remain like this…cold, distant and uncaring.

LSS of the Month: Suddenly

CLIFF RICHARD:
She walks in, I'm suddenly a hero
I'm taken in, my hopes begin to rise

OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN:
Look at me, can't you tell I'd be so
Thrilled to see the message in your eyes

CLIFF RICHARD:
You make it seem I'm so close to my dream
And then suddenly it's all there

OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN:
Suddenly--

OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN and CLIFF RICHARD:
The wheels are in motion
And I, I'm ready to sail any ocean
Suddenly I don't need the answers
'Cos I, I'm ready to take all my chances with you

CLIFF RICHARD:
And how can I feel you're all that matters
I'd rely on anything you say
OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN:
I'll take care that no illusions shatter
If you dare to say what you should say
CLIFF RICHARD:
You make it seem I'm so close to my dream
And then suddenly it's all there

OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN:
Suddenly--

OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN and CLIFF RICHARD:
The wheels are in motion
And I, I'm ready to sail any ocean
Suddenly I don't need the answers
'Cos I, I'm ready to take all my chances with you

CLIFF RICHARD:
Why do I feel so alive when you're near,
There's no way any hurt can get

OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN and CLIFF RICHARD:
Longing to spend
Every moment of the day with you--
With you

OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN:
Suddenly--

OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN and CLIFF RICHARD:
The wheels are in motion
And I, I'm ready to sail any ocean
Suddenly I don't need the answers
'Cos I, I'm ready to take all my chances with you

Blast from the Past

Congratulate me..It has been 15 days 9 hours and 45 minutes since my last coffee (minus the coffee flavored candy, is that included here?!? if yes..then I've failed into the trap again - - I'm nuts!) But the point is this...

I revisit-ed the meaning of this with my girlfriends from HS...Closure. We carefuly tried to decipher its meaning and how important it is in our life, esp. in the part of our life where we had that special someone..gets mo na? **winks**

We'll, the best people to talk to are those with no pretensions, no hang-ups, no pa-cute or pa-profound effects on the side; so it's so refreshing to get to talk to people who will look at you straight in the eye and tell you you're crazy or you're pathetic or you're just plain love-sick-puppy =) **gosh i'm really glad we guys went out, i can't wait to see you all again **

Okay, where were we? Yes, we have that b.u.l.l-crap or that b.u.l.l-$#!+ session over dinner@ a grill in a mall then later on at a resto, where we all sat at a table in a nipa hut - - - and for once in my life I was relieved that I don't need to put up any of my defenses. Because it was all so true, that I feel numb and feeling nothing as of the moment towards my "love or loves in the past". Period. And I am happy where I am.

Since it was a mini-reunion, we can't help ourselves from re-visiting our pasts..but instead sobbing at each other's shoulders and hugging each other to sleep; like we used to do more than a decade ago, we were laughing to our heart's content of our infatuations, mistakes, booboos, triumphs, ka-babawans and ka-lokohans - - - we were happy rekindling our friendship with our love-stories from the past.

And the inevitable, some of us are still aching from relationships that did not have a "closure". And we tried to define it. Tried again,and tried even harder. But I guess, the beauty of NOT having been able to have that 'final-words' is this: some are hoping or still hoping..that in the future that relationship just stood still.

- - - Just like the friendship that I thought I lost when my girlfriends and I graduated in HS..And now it's back, with so much more to give than just hope; but new memories to make. But then again we also know better than this to make relationships worl..we know it takes more than blasting from the past..to love, to trust again..it's takes communication, commitment, courage, prayers and a lot of acting on these.

These you need to gap islands when you know that a bridge wouldn't stand a chance in the ocean that had been created in between. **encrypted message**

Animals in the Cube Farm

“They say if you have nothing good to stay, keep your mouth shut.”

And recently I also learned that there are two kinds of criticism, one that is constructive; which help people to become a better person; and the other is one is destructive; which help people fall from place…My best friend even called it - - - character assassination.

Yes, this is more popularly known as bullying…clear enough?

Why am I writing this because I am sad of my naivety of its existence. Why? Recently, I realized that “bullying” isn’t confined to childhood—it also happens in the workplace, where it becomes alarming because it is succumb to violence and emotional trauma. And many of the behavioral patterns resemble to school-yard battles of old, but the stakes—health, well-being and employment status—are much higher.

Rats. Darn. There is no teacher to monitor and to intervene, or to rescue the victim.

They say bullying is synonymous to:

Incivility. Verbal abuse. Psychological aggression. Mobbing. They are all different names for a relatively wide range of behaviors.

The search for the roots of this workplace violence has included a closer look at interactions once thought innocent. For example, the seemingly playful teasing between colleagues may not be harmless give-and-take but may escalate into more serious aggression.

Bullying research in still a nascent field. Because the research is relatively new. They say it has to be “repeated, health-harming mistreatment of an employee by one or more persons, manifested in one or more ways: verbal abuse, threatening and intimidating conduct (verbal or nonverbal, nonphysical) that interferes with work and undermines legitimate business interests.”

A doctor on human behavior even adds that bullying is as much about what people don’t do; such as excluding people from meetings, withholding information or leaving them off an important e-mail. And what else do they do? It can be extremes; such as back-stabbing or story-blowing and the opposite is characterized by yelling, name-calling, making threatening statements, micromanaging or undermining somebody’s reputation. And what is worst is that bullies intent isn’t necessary. So bullies need no motivation or hidden agenda, they just want to “bully” or push people around. And the expert says too that sometimes bullies don’t realize they are bullies, but the behavior is already harmful.

A study in British showed that even if the victims don’t recognize that they are being bullied, their mental health is still affected which asserts to a negative behavior that people feel that they are unable to defend against to or to take control.

* from internet “In a 1998 study in the Journal of Emotional Abuse (Vol. 1, No. 1, pages 85–115), Loraleigh Keashly, PhD, a Canadian psychologist who now teaches at Wayne State University in Detroit, identified seven key components of bullying, or as she defined it, emotional abuse. They include behaviors that are:
• Verbal and nonverbal (excluding physical contact).
• Repetitive or patterned.
• Unwelcome and unsolicited by the target.
• Violations of a standard of appropriate conduct toward others.
• Harmful or cause psychological or physical injury to the target.
• Intended to harm or controllable by the actor.
• Exploiting of the actor’s position of power over the target. * from internet

“A real concern
Researchers do agree that because bullying is so common, many people don’t realize its harmful effects. Yelling and verbal abuse may be written off as tough—if unpleasant—management. Micromanaging may appear to others as an employee failing to meet expectations. And ostracism may seem like personality conflict.
Targets of bullying may even start to believe they are somehow at fault, says Dr. Namie. Bystanders often dismiss the behavior or don’t want—or dare—to get involved. In workplaces that allow bullying behavior to go on, management is unlikely to intervene. In many cases, employees are told to work it out for themselves, adds Namie.
Targets often may be encouraged to think that the bullying is all “in your head,” but the stakes are very real. University of Bergen psychologist Ståle Einarsen, PhD, is a leading bullying researcher who has intervened with severely bullied employees so disabled they are unable to work. While repairing these victims’ mental health is difficult, but possible, he says, it’s even more difficult getting them to go back to work—even at a different job. In his work as a victims’ advocate, Namie has even come across cases in which the victim commits suicide.
Even when the effects are not that extreme, researchers agree that bullying is harmful to the health and well-being of victims, organizations and society, likening it to sexual or racial harassment. Unlike these forms of harassment, however, general bullying is not prohibited by law in many places.” * from internet

And currently, the sad news is..we don’t just have legal loopholes in our country, there’s no awareness. So there’s no law that supports this matter. Actually, even the controversial and more popular workplace issue, “sexual harassment” is none the less not very well taken by our law-makers. So hear ye to the running senatorial-bles…here’s a law that’s one for the road!

So what can ‘we’ do?

The most effective intervention program requires focusing on the bully and the victim. The peer culture of these involved and their home environments (Garrity, et al, 1996). And successful anti-bullying program is built around a multi-system approach - one that sends a clear and consistent message to bullies and victims alike that bullies are not in charge and that everyone has a right to be emotionally safe and comfortable in one’s workplace.

And we, as an employee, should bring about this awareness; because this part of the culture of work needs to change. There are increasing evidence that it’s bad for the health, that certain factors breed it (like from envy or due to trauma); and that it can be deterred. So we need to be able to recognize this personality in order to focus resources to stop the behavior.

Here’s another tip. It’s out there happening, so be careful on which part of the employee-animal-like-system you are in…
predator or prey or in human language - - - bully or victim.

My Version of a Near Death Experience

This early morning I went through a bizarre routine…how did I know? I can’t get to sleep again…or maybe I just don’t want to go to sleep.

Something inside me felt like I’m being eaten alive. And the odd thing is, I didn’t get scared. Correction, I did not feel anything. I was numb. I just lie there in my bed with the sun rays peeping through the blinds in the room…But there was just the emptiness..and I allowed it to take over me…like the blinding darkness.

And before this could ever happen, I signed up for DNR, actually it’s more of a vocal contract, that no matter what happens to me…NO can do. Yup, seriously talked to everyone…Do Not Resuscitate..DNR - - - you heard me right. But my doctors have no choice, they’ve agreed…

But before I took my last breathe…I heard voices telling me that they found the cure…the antidote for this disease. They were discussing, arguing and shouting on top of their voices…they wanted to use the medicine so that they can kill ‘what’ is taking my life away from me.

They held my hand, and then I heard them say they were sorry. And heard that they will have to take the DNR to be invalid and not applicable to my condition. And then they apologize to me again, because they will have to keep me alive.

Then, I felt a pinch in my chest and..

The next thing I knew I found myself in the serenity of my room...alone again. I knew what just happened… I lost a part of me…so I can keep on living.

I was aching all over and my eyes were swollen from crying; that's when I realized I was breathing again. The scars were there..and my hands were still trembling with the thought that I carried him in my heart. But that was the closest thing I ever could get to be with him.

Unlimited

My place of work is also an area created for party-ing and gimmicks...I noticed the existence of cinemas, recreational areas, large parking areas, trails of indoor and outdoor restos, bars and the 24x7 variety of fast-food chains; makes sure that the whole miniature "city" is sleepless like the New York in US. But tonight as I sat for dinner; instead of enjoying the live band playing at the background and watch the young professionals, fashionistas and trendy teens pass me by; I was stroked by a lightning bolt of electricity! Okay that was an exaggeration personified. So, allow me to be more casual…I am bothered with the Filipino teens unlimited access to alcoholic drinks and beverages and 'smoke'. I was once a minor myself, but gosh I must bean homebody and a real hard-core student-home teen that I was not introduced to their “teen-age” world…

I am not holy nor am I perfect…But I learned drinking with my parent’s consent. And was introduced early in life how ‘smoking’ can affect my body, luckily taught by my own uncles who learned the hard way (Lung cancer, TB and need I say more?) They all say the same thing to me, “occasional drinking and smoking should be fine”. If they become ‘vices’ or you become addicted to them, that’s makes it bad. But all of them agreed to this one-liner, if you can avoid them, do.

Yes, I was fortunate enough to have a family that takes these issues seriously. But not all Filipino families take this as seriously as what our country's statistics primary causes of pre-marital sex…that leads to teen-age pregnancy, drunk-driving, murder, robbery and even suicide. *This is what happens when you become accustomed to lawyers as friends and politicians as relatives**lolz**

Even in high-school, we were taught about being “aware” of the cons of alcohol-drinking and smoking. And there was even a time when my parents or were reminded by our parish priest that 'charity begins at home'; and they were challenged to educate the youth about the consequences of being an alcohol-drinker and smoker. And then our priest asked everyone too to take extra effort for those who were born without a family or relatives or those who are physically away from their own loved ones. It was a long time ago but as I grow-up I noticed how our parish priest makes miracles into a reality in our lives.
And I also recalled having been reading this article of a 'minor' three years ago, who wrote a petition to 'lower the drinking age' in US from 21 years old to 18 years old…atleast. He wrote the petition when he was 19 years of age. And I wonder how he is now? And I'm guessing if he still remembers the petition he submitted to the office of the congress? But then again, he is already 21 now…why would he even bother following up, right?

But the point is…other countries do take “the right age of drinking and smoking” as national interest and a political responsibility. So what does the Filipino youth have to say or do about this? Nothing much I guess, we are free from taking responsibility of alcohol-drinking and smoking. It is up to an individual how he or she takes this 'freedom' and will...regardless if he or she was blessed with parents or relatives or friends or teachers or mentors that provides guidance and proper education regarding responsible alcohol-drinking and smoking (if should we call it that way..)

Well I was under 18 once, so now that I am not affected by this rule of no alcohol-drinks and smoke to under 18 years of age; should I still care? Should I be bothered? Should I take part and take this issue to a higher court? I guess I don’t have to…

Because we can do better than that…A ‘blog’ is a very powerful yet also educational; sometimes can be political, entertaining and I must say sensible argumentative tool of today....

Check out the blog http://blog.youthrights.org/, see for yourself what the youth does with their freedom and how powerful part of the society we are. **winks**

Goldie-Looks?

I have always dreamt of having a curly hair..just like the one Goldilocks have. So when I had enough courage to ask my mom to have my hair perm-ed when I was in Grade 1.. I did not mind going through that 'smell ' and sitting in the parlor for almost four hours because I really wanted to look like Goldilocks. And when I saw the results..I screamed - - - with devastation!

Yes you heard me right, not with excitement or happiness that my dream came true! They curled it...Aeta-style and not Goldilocks-style. I cried…and thanked my mom. She thought I was crying with joy, but I did not want to make her feel bad because my little wish caused her a lot of money. (…and it was not part of the budget.) So I kept my true feelings to myself and carried what I thought was my “crowning-glory”- - - that 'kinky' hair for the next two horrifying months…And as if my mind can control the dead hair-follicles in my head (that's your hair in scientific terms!)…they straightened it-self. But there was an after shock of my pure-vanity...my hair strands must have been poisoned, they were thinner and my hair color went to dark brown from midnight black.. And stayed that way until now..**sniff**

Now that I know better... I won't go to the parlor to have my permanent perm with the liquid-thing-that-smells-like-medicine; even if they say that the hair stylist studied in London or the hair expert of Asia..I’ll just go to the parlor or salon to have my one-day Goldilocks-curly-hair done for special events... **winks** But the lesson is, I like my hair as it is, just as God made it for me… After all I noticed that there are ‘more’ out there who actually have their hair "straighten-ed" to have that long-smooth-as-silk-look as that of Pocahontas **lolz**

Burger Anyone?

Ever since I got from Tokyo..everyone in my team kept on telling me about this "Good Burger", since I am not really a fan of meat and would rather feast on seafoods, chicken, veggies and fruits..I wasn't really thrilled. And maybe because I haven't really tasted it anyway..so I didn't join the fanatics.

Today is my independence day..I am liberated for a day from my diet routine because I've achieved my ideal weight (as prescribed by my physician and resident nurse ;-D) So I am rewarding myself atleast once a week to enjoy a meal that doesn't fall righteously in my diet *winx*

So, I ordered the BLT-Good..it's an A- taste for me. Plus, it was prepared to keep the food warm and most importantly it comes with my fave kectchup;-)