I, Heart and You

10 years ago on this very day..I fell in love.

--- That kind of love that tickles all the butterflies in your stomach with the mere sound of his voice and the very thought of him...being with you.
That kind of love that makes your knees weak and makes you think you are 'the world to somebody'.

It was great. Because it suddenly progressed to a feeling of where I realized that I am capable of loving a person more than I could love myself. Unbelievable, right? But trust me when I say ---
he was my strength, my friend, my laughter and my inspiration.

I learned a lot about life, through his way of life. I learned about myself, through the way he spent his life with me.
Together, we made a journey where angels in heaven can be jealous of.

But around 3 years ago, I found myself here in Taiwan, attending a teambuilding. My head was aching terribly from drinking too much.
I was arrogant and full of pride, pretending I am just okay- - yes, I got broken hearted.

I realized very slowly how I left myself in the open.. out in the cold, steady and distant. I realized my heart wasn't moving because I choose not to do anything about it.

I took one step at a time..it was slow from forgiving to an acceptance of what I can do the situation and for myself.
I was strong in the outside. Keeping my principle that only I can mend my bleeding heart.

I was too stubborn to get help. I know that the scars of the past will not stop haunting me in my sleep unless I stopped re-living them. I keep on going back
and the feeling that was too painful to bear become an addiction that was slowly taking life out of me.

I used to find myself trembling whenever I recall these certain feelings.

Now-a-days, I feel at peace. Serene. Calm, collected and smiling again.

My heart's not yet in a great condition. But I just have to keep on trying..and healing - - - until I start trusting on love again.