This early morning I went through a bizarre routine…how did I know? I can’t get to sleep again…or maybe I just don’t want to go to sleep.
Something inside me felt like I’m being eaten alive. And the odd thing is, I didn’t get scared. Correction, I did not feel anything. I was numb. I just lie there in my bed with the sun rays peeping through the blinds in the room…
But there was just the emptiness..and I allowed it to take over me…like the blinding darkness.
And before this could ever happen, I signed up for DNR, actually it’s more of a vocal contract, that no matter what happens to me…NO can do. Yup, seriously talked to everyone…Do Not Resuscitate..DNR - - - you heard me right. But my doctors have no choice, they’ve agreed…
But before I took my last breathe…I heard voices telling me that they found the cure…the antidote for this disease. They were discussing, arguing and shouting on top of their voices…they wanted to use the medicine so that they can kill ‘what’ is taking my life away from me.
They held my hand, and then I heard them say they were sorry. And heard that they will have to take the DNR to be invalid and not applicable to my condition. And then they apologize to me again, because they will have to keep me alive.
Something inside me felt like I’m being eaten alive. And the odd thing is, I didn’t get scared. Correction, I did not feel anything. I was numb. I just lie there in my bed with the sun rays peeping through the blinds in the room…
But there was just the emptiness..and I allowed it to take over me…like the blinding darkness.And before this could ever happen, I signed up for DNR, actually it’s more of a vocal contract, that no matter what happens to me…NO can do. Yup, seriously talked to everyone…Do Not Resuscitate..DNR - - - you heard me right. But my doctors have no choice, they’ve agreed…
But before I took my last breathe…I heard voices telling me that they found the cure…the antidote for this disease. They were discussing, arguing and shouting on top of their voices…they wanted to use the medicine so that they can kill ‘what’ is taking my life away from me.
They held my hand, and then I heard them say they were sorry. And heard that they will have to take the DNR to be invalid and not applicable to my condition. And then they apologize to me again, because they will have to keep me alive.
Then, I felt a pinch in my chest and..
The next thing I knew I found myself in the serenity of my room...alone again. I knew what just happened… I lost a part of me…so I can keep on living.
I was aching all over and my eyes were swollen from crying; that's when I realized I was breathing again. The scars were there..and my hands were still trembling with the thought that I carried him in my heart. But that was the closest thing I ever could get to be with him.
No comments:
Post a Comment