Sampu

(…from movies)

1) “All I want for Christmas is you. “ Jodi – Love Actually

2) "The best thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return." – Moulin Rouge

3) “I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it.” Angel Seth – City of Angels

4) “I love you. You... complete me” – Jerry McGuire

5) “Jamie has faith in me. She makes me want to be different…Better.”.– A walk To Remember


6) “Luc: Why are you chasing after him, after what he's done to you? Kate: Because I love him!... And because I'm afraid that if he doesn't come back, it'll hurt so much that part of me will just shrivel up and die and I'll never be able to love anyone ever again.” – French Kiss


7) “No, freedom can be taken away, as you well know. I offer you my knowledge.” Abbe Faria – Count of Monte Cristo

8) “Well, I lied to you too... when I said I didn't want to be like you, because I am like you. Everything good in me I have from you.” Grace to his dad – Armageddon


9) “He could be anywhere in the world but he chooses to be with her because life is better with her by his side.” – Perfect Man

10) “I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.” – Notting Hill

Music 2 my Ears...

I reconciled with my love of the instrumental music..
It was exhilarating.

I remember vividly how it makes me feel afloat.
Suddenly I have to recall that there is more than what words can say.
And what ‘high’ a melody without lyrics makes me feel,
And how it makes me think…

That being speechless is not a weakness,

especially in moments of happiness;
It’s more like savoring the moment

- - that will last a moment sooner than you thought.
However you’d like to freeze time and to stop the earth from spinning..
so you can absorb…

that blissful moment,
that endearing stare,
those words of sincerity
and those tender..gentle touch…

I am at peace with the music.
They’ve no words.
But I find it complete.

Because, like the music..
A hug is an acceptance.
An eye-to-eye contact is an understanding,
A smile is an agreement,
...and a kiss is a covenant.

It is not exactly what I hoped for,
But its unspoken meaning is more than I can take…
It was overwhelming…

And I tightly hold on to my seat, before I start melting..

My Last Day..

Hi..i’m jl..i’m a love-aholic..

hi jl..

This is my last day in the center.

awhs..ohs.....mumbles...

Ahm, I've completed my program. I don’t want to go through all what I have been through here because I don’t want to awaken any monster inside me.

*pauses..then smiles altogether*



Anyway, I’d rather share some unanswered questions, then my own version of realization on the insanity that brought me here.

*pauses again..then smiles to everyone..*

Here goes….



What is love?
If love is love, why does it give you pain?
In fact why does it cause you so much pain?

If love gives you enough pain to drive you enough to endure love, does it make it all worthwhile?
Or should you actually love more to endure the pain that it brings..or whatever angst that love cause or cost you?

So, if love is not enduring pain nor enduring love to go through pain..
Does it mean love is pleasure? Or sheer delight? The so-called happy state….bliss perhaps?
And if love you give you enough happiness, would it be enough reason
to sustain love? …to endure love?
Or should you actually love more to sustain happiness?

So, what if the happiness go away? And then all it gives you is total darkness..
not pain actually.. just nothingness - - - like pitch black darkness or like the calm waters of a dead sea? ..Where you are always afloat. Effortlessly swimming the waters of love but nowhere to go….no growing in love?

On second thought, where is love in pain anyway?
Or does love give you always happiness?

And…if love is pain or love is also happiness..or maybe even both,
What is the essence of love of having both?
Will love endure without pain?
Will love sustain without happiness?

And if there is no pain and happiness in enduring and sustaining love, will it become quicksand of emptiness? Will you be loving..yet feeling no love in return?
Like you were screaming love but no one hears you, even the one you love..

Better yet if love or loving has a meaning beyond feelings or thoughts or words or actions
More stronger or more powerful than pain, or happiness, or emptiness or loneliness,
Does it mean that it is easy to love?
…how come when some people recall ‘love’,
the ease in ‘loving’ is lamented as a short lived happiness and an ocean of pain?
At times, some even start backing down..walking or running away from it…
If its so so so easy to do…
why does it take so much courage to do it?
To fall for it? To hang on to it?

Maybe love is hard work then?
So it requires you to take a great deal of leap of faith?
To trust yourself that you can love,
and to believe that someone will love you in return
with the same great amount of love that you can…

So if its too much hard work, why do people take so much risk for love? Why gamble?
When you know you only there’s a 50% chance of losing ..
Maybe because there’s the 50% of winning?
But who are we fooling?
One-self? that someone? Or is it both?
So does this mean love is driving us back to pain and happiness altogether to achieve it?

When we love, do we choose between
Or ease or hardship?
Or courage to take that great deal of leap of faith?
Or trusting someone?
Or taking risks?

Are these ‘choices’ all about love?
Or is love a little portion of these?
Or is love a little of each one?
Or love has nothing to do with any of these at all?

So maybe, love is just love, right?

Maybe love becomes love when it becomes real..
Maybe until it can be perceived by any or all of the senses, it is love…
Or maybe until if it’s unspoken of…like an imaginary thought or feeling, love will just simply become real…
or should we say maybe it is not all about feelings,
its also leisure..work, hard work.
- - - these are all my maybes.

And so maybe love is just love after all.
So let’s just let it be.

Either love sees me through my senses…
Or love cut me thru life,
maybe honestly-passionately-deeply through my mind…and my soul.

Right now.
I don’t really mind getting all the answers.
I don’t really care what love really means.

Knowing love is just there is enough for me.



...then it was quiet..a deafening silence followed me as I stand up from my chair.
And kissed and hugged everyone who are still in the process of healing from a broken heart...
I said goodbye to the victims of a love that did not survive...

And as I walk out the door, I look up at the sky..
there's no sun and there were thick clouds all over..
And as I touch the latest scar in my heart,
I am very hopeful that late afternoon..
I am ready to face the world again,
with my head held up high
blazing with this new found strength..
renewed passion and refreshed sense of serenity.